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Sunday, September 12, 2010

Goodbye Nanay


It was the 5th of September 2010. My eighty-one years old mother was exceptionally happy when she woke up in the morning. Never did we know she was about to go. She was living with my older brother and his family. My sister in law heard a loud sound from the bathroom where our mother was having her bath. They immediately rushed to the bathroom and found out my mother had a fall. Mother was already standing when they came to the bathroom but leaning on her left side. My mother argued she did not want to be brought to the hospital. She said she wanted to rest and sleep. When she wakes up she will be fine. While mother was sleeping my sister in law noticed saliva coming out from her mouth, wiped it off and there it was. A droplet of blood was coming out from the mouth of our mother.

My brother immediately brought mother to the nearest private hospital. Her CT Scan revealed one half of her brain had blood clot it was a bad stroke. She had stroke, caused the imbalance it was why she fell. Accordingly damage that big is inoperable, her chance of recovery is zero. I notified my youngest brother who works and lives in Singapore with his family and my sister who lives in the province of Bicol with her family. Mother hang on to her life with tubes attached to the ventilator to enable her to breathe. Her two doctors advised us to decide on her, she will never recover. Which means it is up to us, her family to turn off the ventilating machine and wait for her heart to stop the natural way. My youngest brother and my sister arrived at around six in the evening of Tuesday, 7th of Sept. We decided to shut off the ventilating machine. I was assigned to do it being the oldest in the family.

How brave are you to do it to your own mother? I was not that brave. I cried and prayed right after I learned about the result of CT Scan. I already knew I will be assigned to shut of the ventilating machine. My siblings and I decided to shut off the machine the following day, Wednesday 8th of Sept. Let the heart of our mother stopped naturally and allow her to go. All of us have to be present. My sister and I decided to stay at the hospital inside the private room where we transferred our mother from ICU. I knew my sister was tired from eight hours travel by car. The couch at the private room of mother to where we were to sleep to gain strength for the next day was too small for the two of us. After the visit of the neurologist of mother, in the morning of Wednesday, the 8th of Sept. Mother showed signs she was awake. My sister took charge. She spoke with mother and prayed with her. Mother in turn communicated by moving her closed eyes to answer to a yes or a no question. She would move her eyelids for a yes answer. There was a point wherein she opened her mouth so wide maybe trying to speak, yet no voice came out.

Her nurses were wondering why the mouth of mother showed a little opening when her two doctors certified she will never move. Mother was quite for few hours after the rest of the family members arrived at the hospital. My sister and I took turns telling them what happened.  Mother requested for a priest to pray for her. She was quiet but feverish with 40 degrees body temperature and blood pressure slowly ebbing. My youngest brother and sister in law were tasked to look for a priest, then, we will shut off the ventilating machine. At around past one in the afternoon, a nurse came to take blood pressure of mother. I was inside the room with my older brother, sister in law and the daughter of my sister. I saw the facial expression of the nurse when he took off the stethoscope from his ear. He said, “Maam, I can not find a blood pressure anymore." He rushed out and came in with a resident doctor.

Nanay as we fondly called mother passed away on the 8th of Sept, the date of birth of her favorite Saint, Mary. Mother was a devoted Catholic while I am a Protestant. I knew little of her favorite Saint. Mother was a very courageous and loving mother. She waited to hear the voice of my sister she had not seen for years despite the pain she may be experiencing inside her body. She loved me so much, and let go. She knew it would be very difficult for me to shut off the machine to let her go. It was a relief for all of us. We had accepted the fact she is going anytime. But to let go of her shutting off the ventilating machine was sort of another thing to reckon with. I cried and thank my mother for letting go and leaving me with a clear conscience knowing she left us the natural way.

16 comments:

Jean said...

JP, I am sending prayers to you and your family.
I'm glad you didn't have to shut-off your mother's life support and that she passed in peace on her own accord.
Take care....

sudhi said...

Ms.jolly sometimes life giv sudden shocks and we hav to accept them.. i can tell ur mother is a vry brave nd great lady coz she dint allow her children to shut the ventilating machine... where ever she is may her soul rest n peace....

James said...

God speed your Mother to His grace.

delightfullness said...

ms. jolly
I will pray for you, ur family and your mother...be strong!

Jolly Princess said...

Hello Jean, Sudhi, James and Delightfullness – Thank you so much for letting me know I have an extended family all throughout WWW. Your comments meant a lot to me… ♥

Janz said...

Ate, I am sorry about your lost. I am crying as I'm reading this. I have told you what had happened last year and reading this brought back memories :( Condolence. My prayers go out to you and your family. May your mother's soul rest in peace.

beanizer_05 said...

i'm sorry to know this Mommy. She is in safe in God's place now. She is watching over all of you each day. She is so proud of you mom. Stay stronger.
Rest assured of my prayers.

Jolly Princess said...

@Janz-Oh, sorry if I reminded you of your father. But its okay. They are in good hands now.

@beanizer_05-Thanks Baby Batman. Prayers had always been my weapon against emotional stress. Thank you.

Ryan said...

Sorry to hear this JP, you will be in my prayers.

Jolly Princess said...

@Ryan - Thank you my friend. Appreciate your prayers a lot..

vijaya said...

i am so sorry.your mother is great.she live on the land have a long time 81 years/thats g8.i loss my Father at the age 24.his age 53.only.he is a great father. i am shocked .two years .your mother very brave.

saif said...

Its really sad to hear about your mother, i just read your blog and got to know the reason why you were not there for few days, well you took a correct and brave decision of removing ventilator because it would be only painful for her to keep on ventilator in this age.
God help you and give your mother peace.

Jill Wellington said...

What a blessing for her to go so quickly after a devastating stroke! I love how she chose to go on St. Mary's birthday. You have such a good attitude about all this, Jolly! I am inspired by you all the time!

Jolly Princess said...

@vijaya- By the grace of God mother was given long life. Although we were hoping she would be with us longer than 81 years. But her time on earth was up. Thanks for the wonderful comment. ♥

Jolly Princess said...

@saif- Thanks doc, for your blog visit and comment. My sis in law consulted her neurologist friend. A well known neurologist in Singapore who gave us a good advice, that made us decided to shut off the life support of our mother. I prayed so hard on how I could do it. By the grace of God, my prayers were answered. Mother gave up or should I say let go because she knew it would be very difficult for me to shut off the ventilating machine.

Jolly Princess said...

@Jill- Mother joined an association they called Guadias de Honor de Maria being a devout Catholic. She, my father and my sister are Catholics. My two bothers and I are Protestants. Mother was very active in their association. She called St. Mary as Mother Mary (being the chosen Woman to bear Jesus Christ). For whatever reason, my mother had chosen the birthday of her favorite Saint. Thank you Jill… Glad I could inspire you as you are to me. ♥

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